The last months have been full to overflowing with events, transitions, changes, celebrations, and goodbyes. All of those tumbled together and interwoven in such an intricate and tight way, that I really can't begin to untangle it all just yet. I am spending time reflecting, and processing and praying through all that has happened.
We have become grandparents (such a great, great, grand privilege--eucharisteo plus!), we have celebrated our third child's wedding--Natalie and Brian got married on Jun 22 and we had the most wonderful days of celebrating that special event. Now 3 of our 4 dear children are married! Austin will be starting his senior year at Biola University in mid August, after he finishes up his summer working for Derek Geer in Meadow Ranch Junior High Camp at Hume Lake. He has loved his summer and been challenged and stretched in new ways that have kept him learning how much there still is to learn!
Then exactly a week after the wedding Phil and I boarded a plane and returned to Ecuador after packing up and saying goodbye to our house that had become home, and friends that had become so dear in Lakewood. But this time it was different for so many reasons. 1) We were leaving for the year, and it was just the two of us. We have returned to Ecuador together and alone over the last three years, but each time it was to visit. This time we were "coming back" and we were doing so as empty nesters, and that was deeply felt. 2) We were leaving a grandbaby! Something I have no experience or practice in. And it is different than leaving children, even grown ones that aren't changing physically every few hours! But Sebastian still is at that stage where each day there are differences. I will miss so much of his first year, and I grieve that deeply. I never did get to be any good at saying goodbye to our kids, and here I am adding on saying goodbye to a baby. It hurt, and it hurts, every day. 3) I am coming back to adjust to something totally new. I was here always as a wife and mother first and foremost. That has been my calling, or a role that I took seriously enough to make into a passionate calling. However, that role is formally over, no one still lives at home, and needs me every day. Now, I too must be attentive to and discerning of God's call over, and purposes for my life here--the people and ministry opportunities are everywhere, but which are the ones that God brought me back for. Naturally, Phil is still at home and I do still desire to be a wife who honors God and her husband. Pray with me for wisdom and discernment about this, and for grace to find new rhythms for this new season, new ways to not just fill a calendar, and pass time, but new ways to live out my life in Christ that perhaps I could not do as a busy mother of four. Pray that when my heart aches, missing my children, or grandchild, I will allow that to be something that turns me toward Christ as my comforter, not away from Him as the cause of the ache! It can go either way--I know that, and have lived that. There is a reason Hebrews warns us to be careful not to let any roots of bitterness or resentment take hold in our hearts. They are deadly, fast growing weeds that kill, choke, and destroy joy and peace and love.
So, I don't know if anyone will read this anymore, but I am back, going to attempt to journal, and share about my life and journey here, with the added perspective and title of Grandmother or Abuelita. And if you do read this will you stop and pray for me, for us, for our family.
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| To everything there is a season...Ecc. 3--the season for being by the beach, and in school is over! |
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| Dr. Judy TenElshof, my professor, my mentor, and my friend, a eucharisteo! |
