What are my thoughts as I prepare to head to Quito again?
Well, my thoughts are a little muddled, my emotions mixed--no surprise there. I am grappling with the reality that my heart is torn. I love Ecuador, the people, the country, the beauty, "my girls" that I have loved on for years now. However, this will be the last time I get to be there most probably with Sandi and Brad Miller. When they leave that will be the end of an era in our mission. Our friends the Clines, Coles, Carnills, Stucks, Laura, Rebe, Devin, Aaron, and many others, have moved away. This summer I wrote about some of the impact that had on a familiar place being different and familiar all at the same time. I mentioned being torn, so what is the other pull or tug that tears? Well, our kids, and soon to be grandbaby boy! I have deeply appreciated, loved, and savored being part of our grown kids lives over these last two years. My heart needed that. I find that it is not any easier contemplating being far away on another continent. I am not sure what God has for us, but the reality is that whether I am here or there, there are always folks that I am missing.
My brothers and parents live in Canada, just outside of Toronto, my cousins, aunts and uncles live in Northern Ireland, I have lots of friends all over the States, I have dear folks in Ecuador and then really wonderful friends here too. The primary reason I long for heaven is to be face to face with the Lord Jesus, however, it will be a "yappa" (bonus) to have all these people in one place. I have learned over the past years in the program that I have just finished that my desires are something that God cares about, works through, and in--furthermore, not being in touch with them can actually be an obstacle to God's work in me. And so how do I learn to attend to this in the framework of surrender and yieldedness to Christ. The termination of my program also means goodbyes to new friends that I have seen each week, and some of them daily over the last several years. These are not ordinary friendships made slowly over a long period of time. We had to go deep, right away, it was the nature of the program. So there are things that these dear friends have held, and known about me that precious few others on earth know! That is just the reality too. So my heart breaks in different ways as I realize that that season is past. The friendships don't have to be, and I have just come back from a few days in the desert celebrating with the two gals below! Janice on the right of the picture and Blair on the left have been part of an unoficial cohort that we made of us "older gals". There have been six of us. One has returned to Indonesia, one has finished her certificate and is in Ojai area, another is planning a March wedding and in Jan Term class and couldn't join us. But the three of us had a lovely time, walking, laughing, talking life and theology and friendships and fashion! Yup! The gamut! I am so deeply thankful to God for these dear women!
This photo was taken the night of my graduation party that Phil and Amber threw for me! I got to have friends from college (Wendy) Lake Arrowhead (Underwoods, Gail, Lopez), Ecuador (Steph and Clines) family (my brother, Dad, and parents in law, plus all my grown kids and their husbands, wives and fiances, and friends)Parkinsons, Ponzios, Isf friends and new 1bl friends Bensons....so so many people from so many different parts and eras of my life came. I was touched and humbled beyond words. God poured out his love to me through their presence.
I wish I could have taken a group picture somehow! I think that the hardest part of the event for me was not being able to do anything to help. My kids totally spoiled me! And they did a fabulous job! I may always be more comfortable giving a party, but for that moment in time, I treasured their gift, and really had a marvelous time.
This is Natalie and I at her favorite spot to sit and watch the ocean, sunsets in particular, but any old time seems perfect here! This is Shell Beach, on the central coast of California. I was up for a few days at the beginning of the year helping with wedding stuff. :) But all work and no play .... you know...so we took moments to enjoy coffee together, and the beauty of her home town.
I have been listening to a terrific CD friend Gina made for me. She entitled it Juxtaposition: "the act of positioning close together or side by side." I am thankful for those of you who choose to be in juxtaposition with Phil and I through prayer! Thank you. We have been sustained by those prayers over many years now (Phil. 1:19). Please do pray now as we face a new season, and seek the Lord's direction for what will be next.
Know that this blog is an attempt to do a better job of communicating with you all, giving you a peak into my heart, our ministry, our family.
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