Deeper Meanings

This is the same view, different days, different weather, making it seem like a totally different place, weather and moods are like that. (Gig Harbor, 2012)

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Little did I know when I published my last post entitled "between places--a heart thing" that within an hour that would take on an entirely different and deeper meaning.  Our precious daughter in law, Sammie, got word that her Dad had died very suddenly, and unexpectedly.  As I am present with her and her family, the deeper meaning of "between places" just hits me like a Kenworth truck!  Wow, this is not just a simple being between two different continents, but between heaven and earth, life and after life!  In such a tangible way this came home to me.  Sammie, and her mom and brothers now have a part of their heart in heaven, and a part left here.   As I have been praying for them, and reflecting on so many things that facing death seems to surface, I have realized that in a very real sense we are all to live this way as Christians.  Paul said that our citizenship was not here, but in heaven, so any feeling that "all" is here, is really unreality.  I guess God would desire that I live always with this in view, this world is not my home, I am just passing through..." go the words of an old gospel song!  But do I live that way?  Ashamedly, no, not most of the time.  I see how God has stretched my mind and heart through the experience of having a foot in two or three worlds, with loved ones in each, but today this has been taken to a deeper level, perhaps to reality as it is meant to be perceived.  If I belong to Christ, and He resides at the right hand of the Father in heaven, then really that is my home, where I belong.  But how do I live that reality, while still living here?  How do I orient myself to be holding things here, a home here, loved ones here loosely enough to call heaven home, knowing that deep within me; but tightly enough that I show the love of God and reflect Him well for as long as He gives me here.  In my humanity I am tempted to integrate and adjust to this reality, by distancing myself from people and places, if they aren't home, and if they can all be gone in an instant, then who needs them?!  But I know this is more, much more about self-protection, and distancing myself from pain, than it is about having an eternally based worldview, or godly perspective!  Somehow He calls me to be IN the world but not OF it.  Being in the world, because He is IN ME, MY HOPE OF GLORY, because by Him, and IN Him and through Him I am sustained, as is the world around me and everyone in it, whether they acknowledge Him as King or not.  Lord, please, please teach me more of how to live this way in a truthful, God-honoring way.  Teach me not to shrink away from pain, mine or others, in order to stay "safe" like pain is something that carries a nuclear waste symbol on it, and must be avoided so as to avoid contamination.  How much trouble would we have been in if our Saviour Jesus Christ, had treated his time on earth in this way?  In reality we do have nuclear waste signs on each of us, we are contaminated by sin, ours and others', but Jesus, although God, made Himself nothing, took on the form of a servant, was born in the likeness of man....he identified with us, and came near, to the point of death on a cross--bearing all our "toxic, nuclear waste (sin)" in Himself, paying the penalty for our sin Himself.  He who was without sin, became sin, so that we might have the righteousness of God, and be declared "uncontaminated" not through anything we did ourselves, but because of His death and resurrection!  "And can it be..." another ancient hymn rings in my ears right now!  Did my God love me that much?  Did He love you that much?  YES!  Thank you Lord.  So, teach me to be in between places well, because I really am in between worlds!  Show me more of what that means, and unpry my fingers from the things that they are holding on to so tightly to help make what will never be home seem like it, and those things that you have gifted as part of your plan to allow me to reflect you while here, enjoy you and your beauty, teach me to "hold" them with an open palm.  Rick Peterson, these are some of the lessons you are teaching me in death.  Thank you.  To Sammie, CJ, Corey, and Carla--you are in my prayers and in my heart, may God grant you grace and peace and comfort and a peace that passes all understanding. Selah.

Between places--a heart thing!

      Belmont Shores, California--my walking spot

                                                              Quito,Ecuador--view at my   thinking/prayer spot




  



This week I have had to stop and think where I am more than once.  I have awakened in the night unsure which way I should go to the bathroom, and had to stop and think if someone was waiting for me at Corfu, or the oms guest house or....I have thrown tp in trash (it took me the better part of my ten days to get in that groove again in Ecuador, and was just getting there when we got on a plane and returned to California), I have looked for my water bottle to brush my teeth at night, only to realize I CAN use tap water here for that.  I have found myself thinking of something I wanted to tell sandi, cam, christy, Marlo, or Beth, only to realize that was last week's opportunity and community, this week that means email or Skype!  And yes, last week these same things were happening in reverse; needing to share some tidbit with one of the kids but the three hour time difference, etc. making that much more complicated than a quick phone call or text.  I will settle in, it just takes time, and I have just had moments this week where the vital necessity of savoring each day and place while you are there has struck me with fresh urgency.   There is a time for everything as Solomon says in ecc. 3--God has appointed that time, best not to miss those precious divine appointments due to having my head in last week or in next week! But also that includes giving myself the grace of time to adjust and reaclimate and rest.
I have found myself asking God to grant me the capacity to be all here, wherever here is and for however long or short it is.  This is going to be life for the next little while so I don't want to waste it being disoriented and out of it, I just want to learn how to lean in to Jesus more, and accept my limits yet live beyond them in as much as that looks like having the spirit of the living God work through me doing whatI never could on my own, or in my own strength.  So wisdom and discernment to know the difference between depending on Holy Spirit and when a limit in personality or physical strength or emotional strength is God given and meant to be attended to.  These are some of the things that I have been praying and puzzling over this week.  Teach me to glorify you with all I am and am not in this season of being between worlds in a newer and more intense way.  Amen.

Back in Lakewood

I wonder if it will ever not seem incredible to me that I woke up in Quito and went to sleep in Lakewood on same day!!!!!  Maybe it would be better to travel by boat after all because you have time to process it all! Crazy for sure!  But looks like I need to figure out a way to take it in stride as for at least the next year we will go back and forth to Quito every quarter for a month or so!  I wake up not sure where I am, but that goes with this territory I think.  Hopefully soon I can send some pics along of this time in Ecuador!  Still working on that.  So have a great day!  Take care and make sure you are on the hunt for those eucharisteos (grace gifts)!

Thankful today!

To those of you who saw the prayer request about favor with the landlady, THANK YOU for praying.  We have already heard back from her and we can just take over Millers lease for the second year and it looks like she will honor the price as well not raising the rent!  This was all part of our prayers and see this as another important piece in this journey.  We will be able to buy the Millers appliances and maybe some other pieces too, this is good for them and great for us, instead of spending an inordinate of time and energy looking for a place and then the lengthy process of setting up, installing appliances etc, we will move in and put milk in fridge, have functioning washer/dryer and stove!  Only those of you who have lived overseas can fully appreciate the magnitude of this provision! As we will be spending about one month every quarter in Ecuador over the next year, this maximizes our ministry time and makes the set up very manageable.  I would guess a couple of long days of work and we can have our boxes unpacked, sorted and things put away, ready to have you over for a cup of coffee!  Another fun fact is that we will be right down the street from good friends, the Vivancos and Christy Stumbo, around ethe corner from the living and learningr semester apartment, perhaps on the same street as the new boys apartment as well!  The Youth World office is within walking distance, as is La plaza de las Americas.  I am asking God for grace to go into a season of more travel and back and forth in and out of two places than I feel comfortable with!  However, comfort is not a goal here, and this certainly puts me in a place to again live Way BEYOND MYSELF depending on The Lord Jesus to go before me and be my continuity!  I am excited to give it a try and see.  We will evaluate as we go and we will constantly be seeking God's guidance, that never changes.  So pray with us, with me, for continued provision to cover every aspect of what it will take to be between worlds and engage well, be all there, wherever "there" is!  And please pray for our family too that a God will strengthen our bonds across miles when we are separated, and pray that my heart doesn't break when I say goodbyes -- I have been told that won't be easy with a grand baby!  Truth is my heart isn't really very good at goodbyes, never has been, maybe God will help me get better through all this practice?!?!  So, signing off from Quito, the next time I write I will probably be back in Lakewood!

With love from Ecuador!

Hi there!
Writing you from what may be our new home when we are in Ecuador , kind of fun to begin imagining that.  It is an especially big blessing as my dear friend has called this her home over last year, and for first time I would move into a place and just make it home!  No days of scrubbing and painting etc.  never happened in any of our "permanent" rental homes anywhere!  As I get older I notice my energy is not what it once was, and as we will be coming in and out of Ecuador it will be wonderful not to chew through days cleaning, painting, and finding stuff.  We will hopefully just buy millers appliances and be good to go!  Please pray with us about this miraculous provision--that God would allow the landlord to give us favor to assume same affordable rent, for the transition and getting settled into this new stage and the transition that will go with it.  There will be things we need to purchase to make a home here as we sold most of our big things when we left, like beds, table, kitchen things and linens.  However, the big necessities will be in place.   Please just pray with us for God to guide and provide!
I have yet to figure out photo uploading on this new gadget of mine!  Sorry that I don't have pictures to spice it up.

A Picture is worth a thousand words!

 Our little tree!  Our home is 880 square feet, so long gone are the days of big trees!  Austin actually laughed out loud when he came in and looked way down at this little guy!  But I loved it.  I have loved the opportunity to simplify Christmas.  All our stuff is in Ecuador, so the last three Christmas celebrations have been easy to decorate for.  I have decided I much prefer it, and will probably get rid of most of what I have in Ecuador! 
I just enjoy that it takes about one hour to put stuff out, and about that to take it down! 

The new Christmas angel!

 Here it is...all the trimmings for the tree!  See what I mean?!  Maybe you could experiment with simplifying Christmas.  There are many places that could put your extra ornaments and decorations to good use.  I know that I have a friend who helps in a ministry to women and they have homes that they try to decorate for Christmas for these women, and their children, most of whom are trying to get a second chance in life.  Just an idea! 

 I wanted this to be a separate blog.  Oh well!  I am still learning.  These next pictures are for Brian Morrish!  This was a great miniature train village out at the Living Desert.  The detail was truly amazing.  Since I was a little girl I have been fascinated with trains like this.  It was fun to hear that Brian and his dad love trains too.  So I thought of him as I walked around this train village with my friend Janice.  It was great fun.  Brian is an engineer (and for those of you not in the loop, Brian is Natalie's fiancee), so I took these bridge pictures because the detail seemed incredible.

 This is just for the family!  Look kids, our favorite place!!!! Ha Ha Ha!  Can you say tornado watch!

Check out the sleeping leopards!  Just by the fence in the middle of the picture by the tumble weed.

Mom Payne this was for you.  A Mexican wolf!

 Sunsets, need I say more!

The eastern sky, reflecting the sunset was almost as beautiful!

Sunrise!  I watched it each morning off my balcony, or from a chair in my room!  It was quite cold in Palm Desert.

One last random train scene!  Sorry about that!

Amigos para Siempre!

 On Friday I will be airborne, winging my way to this city, Quito.  I took this photo from the roof of the apartment building we got to stay in this summer.  I loved that apartment, and really especially loved the roof!  I think it was a big part of keeping me sane.  I just heard that this apartment is coming available this June!  However, I think it will be a little over our budget.  I wish it were not so. 
What are my thoughts as I prepare to head to Quito again? 
Well, my thoughts are a little muddled, my emotions mixed--no surprise there.  I am grappling with the reality that my heart is torn.  I love Ecuador, the people, the country, the beauty, "my girls" that I have loved on for years now.  However, this will be the last time I get to be there most probably with Sandi and Brad Miller.  When they leave that will be the end of an era in our mission.  Our friends the Clines, Coles, Carnills, Stucks, Laura, Rebe, Devin, Aaron, and many others, have moved away.  This summer I wrote about some of the impact that had on a familiar place being different and familiar all at the same time.  I mentioned being torn, so what is the other pull or tug that tears?  Well, our kids, and soon to be grandbaby boy!  I have deeply appreciated, loved, and savored being part of our grown kids lives over these last two years.  My heart needed that.  I find that it is not any easier contemplating being far away on another continent.  I am not sure what God has for us, but the reality is that whether I am here or there, there are always folks that I am missing. 
My brothers and parents live in Canada, just outside of Toronto, my cousins, aunts and uncles live in Northern Ireland, I have lots of friends all over the States, I have dear folks in Ecuador and then really wonderful friends here too.  The primary reason I long for heaven is to be face to face with the Lord Jesus, however, it will be a "yappa" (bonus) to have all these people in one place.  I have learned over the past years in the program that I have just finished that my desires are something that God cares about, works through, and in--furthermore, not being in touch with them can actually be an obstacle to God's work in me.  And so how do I learn to attend to this in the framework of surrender and yieldedness to Christ.  The termination of my program also means goodbyes to new friends that I have seen each week, and some of them daily over the last several years.  These are not ordinary friendships made slowly over a long period of time.  We had to go deep, right away, it was the nature of the program.  So there are things that these dear friends have held, and known about me that precious few others on earth know!  That is just the reality too.  So my heart breaks in different ways as I realize that that season is past.  The friendships don't have to be, and I have just come back from a few days in the desert celebrating with the two gals below!  Janice on the right of the picture and Blair on the left have been part of an unoficial cohort that we made of us "older gals".   There have been six of us.  One has returned to Indonesia, one has finished her certificate and is in Ojai area, another is planning a March wedding and in Jan Term class and couldn't join us.  But the three of us had a lovely time, walking, laughing, talking life and theology and friendships and fashion!  Yup!  The gamut!   I am so deeply thankful to God for these dear women!

This photo was taken the night of my graduation party that Phil and Amber  threw for me!  I got to have friends from college (Wendy) Lake Arrowhead (Underwoods, Gail, Lopez), Ecuador (Steph and Clines) family (my brother, Dad, and parents in law, plus all my grown kids and their husbands, wives and fiances, and friends)Parkinsons, Ponzios, Isf friends and new 1bl friends Bensons....so so many people from so many different parts and eras of my life came.  I was touched and humbled beyond words.  God poured out his love to me through their presence.
I wish I could have taken a group picture somehow!  I think that the hardest part of the event for me was not being able to do anything to help.  My kids totally spoiled me!  And they did a fabulous job!  I may always be more comfortable giving a party, but for that moment in time, I treasured their gift, and really had a marvelous time. 

This is Natalie and I at her favorite spot to sit and watch the ocean, sunsets in particular, but any old time seems perfect here!  This is Shell Beach, on the central coast of California.  I was up for a few days at the beginning of the year helping with wedding stuff.  :) But all work and no play .... you know...so we took moments to enjoy coffee together, and the beauty of her home town. 


I have been listening to a terrific CD friend Gina made for me.  She entitled it Juxtaposition: "the act of positioning close together or side by side."  I am thankful for those of you who choose to be in juxtaposition with Phil and I through prayer!  Thank you.  We have been sustained by those prayers over many years now (Phil. 1:19).  Please do pray now as we face a new season, and seek the Lord's direction for what will be next. 
Know that this blog is an attempt to do a better job of communicating with you all, giving you a peak into my heart, our ministry, our family.