Making my way back!

Beautiful, beautiful Misahualli!  In the Oriente (jungle) of Ecuador.  This is just a peak at some of why I haven't blogged in such a long time.  May 7 was my last blog!  This I know is death to a "following" or keeping people's interest.  But then I don't necessarily blog for those reasons.  I blog for those I love, those who want to know what the life of a wife, mother, grandmother and ministry "girl" is like.  Not just the big exciting things, that prayer letters tend to be full of, but the nitty gritty stuff, the everyday ordinary, daily, day by daily day stuff. 
The last months have been full to overflowing with events, transitions, changes, celebrations, and goodbyes.  All of those tumbled together and interwoven in such an intricate and tight way, that I really can't begin to untangle it all just yet.  I am spending time reflecting, and processing and praying through all that has happened. 
We have become grandparents (such a great, great, grand privilege--eucharisteo plus!), we have celebrated our third child's wedding--Natalie and Brian got married on Jun 22 and we had the most wonderful days of celebrating that special event.  Now 3 of our 4 dear children are married!  Austin will be starting his senior year at Biola University in mid August, after he finishes up his summer working for Derek Geer in Meadow Ranch Junior High Camp at Hume Lake.  He has loved his summer and been challenged and stretched in new ways that have kept him learning how much there still is to learn! 
Then exactly a week after the wedding Phil and I boarded a plane and returned to Ecuador after packing up and saying goodbye to our house that had become home, and friends that had become so dear in Lakewood.  But this time it was different for so many reasons.  1) We were leaving for the year, and it was just the two of us.  We have returned to Ecuador together and alone over the last three years, but each time it was to visit.  This time we were "coming back" and we were doing so as empty nesters, and that was deeply felt.  2) We were leaving a grandbaby!  Something I have no experience or practice in.  And it is different than leaving children, even grown ones that aren't changing physically every few hours!  But Sebastian still is at that stage where each day there are differences.  I will miss so much of his first year, and I grieve that deeply.  I never did get to be any good at saying goodbye to our kids, and here I am adding on saying goodbye to a baby.  It hurt, and it hurts, every day.  3) I am coming back to adjust to something totally new.  I was here always as a wife and mother first and foremost.  That has been my calling, or a role that I took seriously enough to make into a passionate calling.  However, that role is formally over, no one still lives at home, and needs me every day.  Now, I too must be attentive to and discerning of God's call over, and purposes for my life here--the people and ministry opportunities are everywhere, but which are the ones that God brought me back for.  Naturally, Phil is still at home and I do still desire to be a wife who honors God and her husband.   Pray with me for wisdom and discernment about this, and for grace to find new rhythms for this new season, new ways to not just fill a calendar, and pass time, but new ways to live out my life in Christ that perhaps I could not do as a busy mother of four.  Pray that when my heart aches, missing my children, or grandchild, I will allow that to be something that turns me toward Christ as my comforter, not away from Him as the cause of the ache!  It can go either way--I know that, and have lived that.  There is a reason Hebrews warns us to be careful not to let any roots of bitterness or resentment take hold in our hearts.  They are deadly, fast growing weeds that kill, choke, and destroy joy and peace and love. 
So, I don't know if anyone will read this anymore, but I am back, going to attempt to journal, and share about my life and journey here, with the added perspective and title of Grandmother or Abuelita.  And if you do read this will you stop and pray for me, for us, for our family.

To everything there is a season...Ecc. 3--the season for being by the beach, and in school is over!

Dr. Judy TenElshof, my professor, my mentor, and my friend, a eucharisteo!

What about your life?  Are you facing changes, transitions, goodbyes?  It is almost time for colleges to start back up--maybe you are sending someone off to college for the first time?   Or maybe sending someone to Kindergarten for the first time.  (I can only hope they go to Nipomo Elementary where they will have the good fortune to have the best kindergarten teacher in the whole world--how could she not be she was taught by the best!)Anyways, whatever transitions you are facing, I trust you will turn towards the God who understands in every single way what we are facing.  And He alone can comfort us and hear us at any and all times.  Great is His faithfulness!  When He gives, and when He takes away, blessed is the name of the Lord.  Amen, and amen.

Savoring the present

It has been challenging to keep up with blogging during this season.  I want to be present to the moments in front of me, and sometimes I find that taking pictures, posting, writing, takes up precious moments and acts almost as a barrier to being fully present.  Once a wise lady and friend said she figured that she would rather make memories with her children, and be present in those memories, than always be on the other side of a camera trying to capture them, almost as an outsider.  I have pondered this since hearing it some 6 or 7 years ago.  And I am wanting to heed the warning it contains.  I have been the picture taker for our family when the kids were growing up, and it was true when I went to scrap book, it was challenging to find pictures of me with the kids.  How are you doing being all there, present to the moments right in front of you, the now? 
You may see a little less blogging from me over the next few weeks.  We are soaking up time with our new wee grandson--these treasured days cannot be had again--and that is as God ordained it, however, I don't want them to pass me by unseeing.  We also are preparing for our daughter Natalie's wedding.  And the end of June, beginning of July will find us on a plane, transitioning back to Quito for the year.  So, I find myself asking God to show me how to balance these divergent tugs on my time.  Packing, although not fun, must be done, and I want to do a little here and there, so as not to be overwhelmed by leaving it all to the last minute.  I find it tricky to know what to tackle. 
So, if you think of me, please pray, that I will gracefully balance these things.  That I will reflect Christ in all that I do, that His life will be in me, and pour from me, nothing more and nothing less.  I am just loving being a grandma!  Goodness!  No words really other than -- surreal. 

The beauty of a piece of seaweed against a jade colored rock down at the beach!  Beauty is everywhere, are you taking time to stop and look and be thankful for what He gives?  "Life is not an emergency."  Ann Voskamp.

Our grand baby boy!!! Sebastian James!!!!

Born Monday April 29, 2013, right on his due date!!! At 4:11 pm. 8 lbs 3 oz. 21 in. Long exactly same as his papa!!!

Thoughts on absence!

"When our absence from people means a special presence to God, then that absence becomes a sustaining presence." Henri Nouwen

I am pondering and praying on Christ's absences these days and the role tat played in the lives of his disciples and loved ones! A great deal of food for thought!

Waiting!

I wonder if you are good at waiting?  Patiently, quietly?  We are waiting on Amber and Derek's wee baby boy to make his appearance in the world these days.  I am also waiting to hear about my brother and sister-in-law's baby, due any day now as well.  I find that being older helps me wait in this area.  I know that the longer he can stay in the safety of his mother's womb the better for him, and ultimately her.  But I also remember not feeling that way when it was me that was pregnant.  I experienced babies coming early, and babies coming late.  The twins who came early were in the NICU for ten days, which as far as these things go, was really a relatively "short" time.  But it seemed like an eternity to me.  This period of waiting for a baby is also accompanied by waiting on many other levels for me, and so I am paying attention to God in the midst of this season in a very special way.  He has my attention.  He has a lot to say about waiting!  Run that word in your concordance some time.  I am challenged to wait, not restlessly and impatiently, but IN TRUST AND IN CONFIDENCE IN CHRIST WHO IS AT WORK ALWAYS!  When I see it and when I can't.  When I believe (taking God at His word,) and when I falter in unbelief.  My favorite prayer in the Bible is Mk. 9--I believe, help my unbelief!  That's me a lot these days as I wait, not just on baby, but on a wedding, on future plans, on big decisions and smaller ones.  Trust, trust, trust.  God keeps that word front and center, and the invitation from Him to me is to trust Him! How will I RSVP?
What about you?  Are you waiting for anything these days?  If I could take a trust reading by drawing some blood or putting a "cuff" on you and measuring somehow, what would the reading be?  Whatever it is, however you find yourself today, I am so thankful for God's kindness, gentleness and mercy which waits for us with such tenderness and woos us with such unconditional and amazing love!  "What can separate us from that love....NOTHING!"  Not even impatience!

  Thank you Lord for your patience towards me, and continue to teach me patience in all things because I trust you and your timing!  Amen, and Amen.

Fog: falling and lifting imperceptible at times

 Below is a series of pictures that best illustrates what the last little bit has been like in my soul.  I have felt like the first picture.  In a fog, confusion, and doubt and fear and uncertainty the stuff of my fog-- pea soup thick and seemingly impenetrable.  I have thanked God, and counted eucharisteos doggedly, and leaned into the fog, and into the Saviour.  I have heard Dr. Coe's voice saying "ahh, good, more fodder!"  And I confess I have wanted to do something inelegant with all the fodder that has turned to fog and seems like little else.  No sign of fruit here Lord!  However, just like happened the morning that these pictures were taken months ago up in Gig Harbour, slowly, ever so slowly, so that you aren't even really aware of when it began to lessen, and lift, that fog has been lifting in my soul.  It is easier to see fog lifting when you aren't staring at it.  When you glance up here and there, allowing chunks of time to go by, then you see the "progress" the lifting and the clearing.  But not when you are looking for it, mostly when you just have it in your periphery then you notice.  I think February and March and even January found me stubbornly staring into the fog,unblinkingly staring-- willing it, wanting it to lift.  And if desire or sheer determination could really accomplish anything, it would have happened.  God has different ways and means though, different outcomes, different methods and goals.  I can't say exactly when it started to happen, the clearing, the lifting, but it's Apr. 17, and today it was as if I looked up after a long time, and was surprised that it was clearer--I could see farther--or could I?  Maybe what was clearer was that God was there!  All along, in the densest part of the confusion He could see, even if I couldn't.  Maybe that's all that's clearer, because honestly not a lot of my circumstances have changed.  But something is different in me, something seems clearer, lighter.  And I can point to a prayer time Friday, and a walk on Monday morning, Supervision and words spoken there, and I certainly know that a conversation with a friend on the phone minutes ago have been hugely instrumental in that fog lifting.  Her voice rang truth right over and around me, surround sound truth!  Reverberating off the walls of my soul, and ringing and echoing even now.  There are probably many different little and big moments, some of them almost unnoticed that have brought me to the place of the last picture, where I feel like I am seeing again, clear across the bay of my soul to where God is pointing and directing and guiding in truth! Clear across to a place of surrender, again!  Freedom from fog of control. Yes, He has never not been there, but this fog sure obscured Him from my view, and it disoriented me, and it made my counting eucharisteos seem pointless and rote, wondering if I had lost my way somehow.  Trying to control things always does that.  The thing is, life is like that sometimes.  You will waken to foggy mornings and clear ones, you and I need to be able to navigate both with grace and confidence not in ourselves but in our God!  Maybe I am at picture 3 stage (see below) where I can see the fog receeding, but it will get much clearer than it is here in picture 3.  Picture 3 feels plenty clear in comparison to picture 1 though.  So whether I am in Pic. 3 in my soul or picture 5, I am thankful!  For today, for this amount of clearness.
How about you?  Are you in a fog?  Foggy season?  Or is it clear season?  Either way what is contributing to that season?  What are you learning in it?  Who are you sharing that with?

This is the view from my nook one morning.  I could hardly see to the end of the property.

The fog began to receede midmorning, so slowly that it was almost not noticeable at first.

I became aware of a brightening at some point, and when I finally raised my head from my writing, it was in time to see the fog lifting and leaving, almost like it was being scraped back by an invisible hand.  Wait, it was!  God was making a clear day come out from the fog.

The Puget sound, and Tacoma is "coming back" from being "not there" invisible in the fog.

Clear as a bell now!  At days end even the train running across the bay can be seen.  (The gleam to the far upper right). Same vantage point, but totally different view! Ps. 138:8

 

 

 

            

 

 

 

 

Our new place in Quito!

So that is a peak at our place that we were able to set up in Quito! Thanks to our friends the millers who were leaving Quito for good, we were able to go there from the airport and sleep there our first night. We had bought their appliances and their guest bed, and with the linens that we took down we were set for the first night! You can see it was empty looking! You can refer to a blog this last summer and see it set up as millers place. It was with mixed emotions that we took over this place. We are so sad to see millers stuff gone, and it was sad to say goodbye to them knowing that when we go to Ecuador now their loving friendship will not be awaiting us! We are thrilled for them. And we were so so thankful how the timing of all this worked out beyond anything that we could have orchestrated. We spent Tuesday with millers, and were able to be at their great despedida on Tuesday night! So many folk turned out to wi,sh them all the best and pray with them.
Wednesday phil rented a truck from the market and we headed to reicherts and began the process of carrying all 56 boxes up 3 long flights of stairs to street, then over to our place and up 6 more flights of stairs!!! The suggestion was made that I get a kindle since many of those tubs contained my books!!! Books are like friends tho! As we unpacked we were so thankful for the miracle of absolutely dry boxes, no water or moisture damage at all! We put blankets and towels straight into cabinets that is how fresh they were! We hung things on the wall, and put what kitchen stuff we had away. This new apartment has phenomenal closet space in every room, so every thing was easily unpacked and put away very organized and accessible! What a treat!
Friday we rented a truck again and went around and collected our furniture that people had borrowed or stored, it wasn't a lot, but by the afternoon we had stuff polished and washed and it was looking a little more homey!
We were able to entertain there, and have meetings and coffee dates with people in our own place! Of course my first meal to cook there was taco salad on sat night!!!!
We had lots of meetings and got caught up with many people while we were there. I am excited to continue to walk with our team and encourage and love on "my girls" in Quito! I loved being back. It is funny to me how much Quito feels like home now! I am very thankful!
We traveled back to Lakewood on Thursday! Amber, Natalie and Austin picked us up. We have done wedding stuff through the weekend, taught Sunday school, and done yard work and housework to get caught up here, then lots and lots of emailing and computer work. Today I am especially thankful to have a washer and dryer after going to the laundromat since early oct. I am working at home and doing laundry!!!! If you have a washer and dryer way home and haven't thought of that as a gift, why not stop now and thank God for that! If you feel it isn't a big deal go two weeks using a laundromat! I got used to it, and even could find good things about it, but boy am I glad to be back say home able to wash and dry clothes here!
So, I think that has me caught up to the present with my comings and goings!
The last picture is of empty boxes! Only a very few boxes broke! Thank you Reichert family for storing our boxes for 2 years and 9 months! Thank you Ackerman family for storing our hutch, to the millers, gardeens, tassy's and boys who kept other bits and bobs!